Attack of the Tourists
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Unwanted tourists are scary. R/R
1. POKE THE FATSO

Eggman was sitting in his kitchen, happily making a sandwich. It was perfect: bacon, fried eggs, tomatoes, lettuce, mayo, mustard, pepperoni, Swiss cheese, cheddar cheese, ketchup, thousand island dressing, olive oil, cucumbers, ham, turkey, meatballs, and some orange tic tacs for zip, all nestled between two pieces of warm, breaded chicken. Eggman was simply at peace. There was no obnoxious blue hedgehog to ruin his day…no bills to pay…no robots to discipline. He hadn't felt this happy since the day his Snuggie came in the mail.

Suddenly there were footsteps.

"Now, everyone stay with the group! Remember to follow the flag I'm holding!" A throng of chattering people shuffled eagerly behind a guy in a T-shirt that said "Awesome Tours". He was holding aloft a red and white cloth on a stick that looked suspiciously like Eggman's favorite lobster-eating bib.

"We are now inside the base of the evil Dr. Eggman!" said the guy with the stick.

Wait…how the hell had they gotten…

"Ooooohhhh…." A ton of cameras flashed.

"Oh! And what a surprise! Look, everyone! The evil Dr. Eggman himself is here!"

There were more flashes and numerous mentions of Facebook.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY BASE!" roared Eggman. The flashes only intensified.

"Dr. Eggman weighs 282 pounds, is over the age of 50, and eats about 7,000 calories per day," said the stick holding person, as if Eggman couldn't hear. By now, many of the uninvited guests were tapping wildly on their touch-screen phones.

"But Dr. Eggman doesn't suffer diabetes and has never had a heart attack or stroke. What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the most fascinating medical mysteries of our- "

"I'm RIGHT HERE, you twits!"

Why did these people have to show up in the middle of his greatest sandwich creation ever?

"Can I touch him?" asked a small child.

"HELL, NO!" screamed Eggman, his sandwich still in hand. If all of this ruckus was going to cause even one of the little tic-tacs he had so meticulously lined up under the cheese to fall out of place, they were SO going to get it.

"No, of course not! If you touch him, you might catch the fatso."

"What!"

Eggman wondered what the hell the 'fatso' was, but he didn't say anything. By now, all he wanted to do was take another bite of sandwich. He hoped that it would all end already.

"Aaahhh…" said the kid, disappointed.

"But don't worry! You can use this 11 foot pole to poke the Eggman."

"Awesome!" The kid got down to business.

"Hey! Stop that!" Eggman wanted to grab the little brat by the hair and throw him across the room. But he knew very well that in this day and age, a single touch could get him sued for child molestation. And he didn't want to set down his awesome sandwich. If your hands have the privilege of holding the food of the gods, you don't just set it down because some stupid kid is poking you with a stick.

"Does anybody have any questions about the fatso?"

"Why is he so fat?" asked a girl.

"I'm not fat!"

"It's a feature peculiar to the species," said the tour guide. "You see, if you unbutton his pants and- ah, never mind! Follow the flag, everyone! It's time for the next part of Eggman's base!"

"YAY!" screamed the camera-carrying crowd.

"The passage we are now approaching, ladies and gentlemen, is called a hallway. It comes from the Icelandic word haaalwye, which was first used to describe mating pelicans when..."

Eggman wanted to blow off that tour guide's head, but he wasn't done with his sandwich. It would be a disgrace to his Sandwich Lover's Club membership…to the sandwich universe, for that matter, if he stopped now just because of a few uninvited guests.

"This is a floor, everyone! It's made of metal, just like microwave safe bowls," said the tour guide from the other room. Eggman heard more camera snaps.

"And this is a ceiling, also metal. This particular variety may become hot in the microwave, however."

"Can I carve my name on the wall?" someone asked.

"Of course!" said the tour guide happily. "Here, everybody take a knife and get started!"

Eggman couldn't take it any longer. He had to stop them, even if it meant leaving his edible masterpiece behind. So he ran, if you could call in running (more like walking quickly while jiggling), into the hallway just in time to stop the first knife from defacing his property.

Eggman was about to scream a myriad of things that would make this story "M" rated when the president of the Sandwich Lover's Club appeared in the room.

"EGGMAN! YOU LEFT A GOD GIVEN SANDWICH UNEATEN!" he roared.

"Sir, there were tourists-"

"And you dare call yourself a member of the Sandwich Lover's Club!"

"With knives…and something about mating pelicans-"

"There is NO excuse for leaving a two-pieces-of-chicken sandwich uneaten!"

"I'm sorry-"

"Your membership in the Sandwich Lover's Club has been terminated. Permanently."

"NO!"

"Now all of your unworthy meals will taste like the SHAME you brought upon the Sandwich Lover's Club! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?"

"I'm sorry! I love sandwiches-"

"Be gone, unholy sandwich abandoner!"

"But I live here."

"Oh, then I shall be gone." The president of the Sandwich Lover's Club disappeared as strangely as he had come in the first place.

"Now, everybody, on with the tour! For our next stop, I'm handing out spray paint!"

Eggman felt like crying.

**A/N**

**This is probably the stupidest story ever. I just wanted Eggman to be attacked by tourist. And is there even a Sandwich Lover's Club? If there is I so want in. Do you guys think I should continue this story? Maybe the tourist could visit Angel Island to annoy the crap out of Knuckles. Tell me in a review, and send my editor/awesome sister, Nicole, some love.**

**Editor's note: If my sister wants any more free labor, she has to buy me a certain hat from Hot Topic. **


	2. Rebel Island

Knuckles was lying down next to the Master Emerald, protecting it (if you could call relaxing with a piece of grass in your mouth and staring at the clouds protection). He was at peace; there was no bat girl or blue hedgehog to mess with him. This was the way Knuckles liked it: at peace, no worries, and alone.

Then out of the sky came a pack of parachuting…tourists(?). Awesome theme music came out of nowhere as they descended. _Do Be Do Be Do Ba! Do Be Do Be Do Ba!_...

"Okay, has everyone landed safely on the floating island?" said a guy holding a stick with a lobster bib on it. He appeared to be their leader.

"My parachute wasn't green like you promised!" said a disappointed kid.

"Green is in the eye of the beholder."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are now atop Angel Island, a landmass that has been breaking the laws of physics for hundreds of years!"

"Ooooooooh…"

"Rebel islands are awesome!" yelled a random member of the tour group. He was actually wearing a shirt with that very phrase printed on it.

"Um…. who are you people?" asked Knuckles.

"Oh, look! What a surprise! Knuckles the Echidna is here to greet us!" exclaimed the tour guide.

"What's an echidna?"

"An echidna is want happens when God and Charles Darwin make a bet on who can create the stupidest animal ever," the tour guide replied happily.

"What!" screamed Knuckles.

"And they lay eggs."

"Ooh! Ooh! Lay an egg!" screamed another one of the tourists. "I need a new Youtube video!"

"Go away!" Knuckles was starting to get angry. He tried to remember his anger management classes. Too bad he didn't have that teddy bear they had given him… he was supposed to hug it or something at times like this.

"Now, everyone, directly behind our Facebook friend is the Master Emerald!" Knuckles really needed to stop accepting every friend request he got. On the other hand, what could he do? People could just click "like" on celebrities like him, and they didn't even have to ask!

"Ooooooooohhh! SHI-NY!"

"If you put one finger on this emerald I will-"

"The Master Emerald was brought to Angel Island many years ago on a magical boat called Caturday." This guy had been on Wikipedia too long. "Caturday was sent here by Chuck Norris, and THAT, my tourists, is why the Master Emerald is so awesome."

Remaining true to his nature as the most gullible character ever, Knuckles kept quiet. He was learning so much about his heritage that he had never known!

"Getting this big gem here was no picnic, people! It took all 13 months of the year in-CLUDING all 9 days of every week and all 12 hours of each day, not counting double overtime on bank holidays and National Left-Hander's Day."

"I want to touch it!" shrieked a random kid.

"Uh, NO! You are not allowed to touch the Master Emer-"

"I will do my job, thank you very much," said the Tour Guide. "Kid, it is a documented fact that a person may only touch the Emerald with his tongue. Go ahead and try!"

"Heck, NO!" There was no freaking way Knuckles was going to be stuck cleaning stupid kid saliva off the Master Emerald.

"Okay!" The kid was openmouthed and ready to charge, but his mom grabbed him just in time.

"Chester Louis Kyle Napoleon Eugene Durkenheimer! You are not going to spoil your dinner by licking that Emerald!"

Whew, that was close.

"But Ma-"

"No buts, Chester! Emeralds are laden with toxic growth hormones!" So that explains why Rouge has big-

Then Rouge flew down out of nowhere.

"Knuckie! You didn't tell me your friends were coming," said the bat girl.

"I don't need to tell you anything, and these are NOT MY FRIENDS!" Knuckles really needed that Teddy Bear now. Or a grenade.

"But we're Facebook friends!" yelled a tourist. Rouge laughed. Knuckles got angrier.

"Oh, look, everybody! Knuckles' love interest has decided to join us!" said the tour guide. "Get your cameras ready; you may get to experience the rare island courtship dance!"

"Hello, people." said Rouge. Knuckles was turning red…er.

"She is NOT my love interest!"

"Awwwww!" said some female tourists. Rouge continued to laugh. She had come here to steal the Master Emerald, but watching Knuckles get mad was very fun.

"GO AWAY!" By now, Knuckles was screaming at everybody.

"That's not a very nice why to treat your guests, Knucklehead," said Rouge.

"For the last time, these are NOT my guests!" Where was Teddy the Teddy Bear when you needed him?

"Watch closely, everyone! The Echidna is trying to impress the Bat. This is the first phase of preparation for their courtship dance!" said the tour guide.

"WHAT!" screamed Knuckles. Rouge continued laughing.

"Unclean! Despicable! They aren't even the same species!" exclaimed a very uptight tourist.

"Love can go anyway it wants!" responded a hippie tourist.

"We are NOT in Love!" screamed Knuckles. Mr. Prude and Hippie Hank were beginning to get into a slap fight.

"Is that denial I'm hearing, Knuckie?" asked Rouge jokingly.

"You people better get off Angel Island Before I lose it!"

"The Echidna needs to woo its mate more successfully, or it will die alone," added the tour guide.

"Is Knuckie trying to woo me?" asked Rouge flirtatiously.

"That does it! Everybody off my island!" Knuckles was actually starting to pick up the tourists and throw them off himself.

When Knuckles was done, he walked back to the Master Emerald. It was missing, and he suspected a certain hot jewel thief.

"F MY LIFE!" he screamed into the nothingness.

**A/N **

**Thank you people for all the reviews. This chapter is dedicated to Twizzle-fizz. People go check this awesome writer out. **

**So, where do my tourists go next if they survive the injuries? Tell me in a review, and also tell my sister/editor, Nicole she is awesome.**


	3. DISNEY PRINCESS

Princess Elise III of Soleanna was reading her mail. She had a lot of hate mail from Sonamy fans, Sontails fans, Sonman fans, Sonknukles fans, Sonally fans, Sonadow fans, Sonilver fans and, most of all, Sonector fans. It seemed like people were just pulling all of the Sonic character names out of a hat and saying, "Alright! Who is Sonic gonna pimp up today?"

Finally, Elise uncovered the most important piece of mail in the stack: the results of her application to become a Disney Princess.

She had scarcely begun to study the long-awaited letter when a throng of uninvited people burst into the room.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the paintings along this hallway are genuine Norman Rockwells!" exclaimed a bubbly guy in a T-shirt that said 'Awesome Tours.' He was holding aloft what appeared to be a lobster bib on a stick.

"Oooooooohhh!"

"Um…I'm sorry, but that's incorrect…These painting are actually…" Elise broke off mid-sentence. A true Disney Princess would be more polite to strangers.

"Oh, well lookie here!" said the tour guide gleefully. "It's the almost-important Princess Emma from Sonic 06, the worst Sonic game ever!"

"Excuse me, but my name's not Emma. It's Elis-"

"That game sucked so much that the editor of this story doesn't even know what to write here!" shouted one of the tourists.

The tour guide continued. "Well, aren't we lucky! We don't usually have such nice people to greet us!" Everyone remembered the fun times with Eggman and Knuckles.

"Wait. You've come to my palace, uninvited, for a _tour_?" Elise was beginning to worry that they might discover her secret fetish for construction workers, or worse, stumble across her hardhat/sweat sample collection.

The tour guide ignored Elise. "Now, does anybody have any questions about Princess Ellie?"

"Is she really a princess?" asked a little girl in an _Enchanted_ movie voice.

Elise was annoyed. "I _assure_ you-"

"Of course not!" interrupted the tour guide with a smile. "Nowadays, all you need to become a princess is a crown and a certificate from the internet."

"I'll have you know that _my_ parents-"

"You can also become a princess by winning the game Pretty Pretty Princess, but it's _totally_ rigged."

"I am of noble birth-"

No one seemed to hear Elise. "Next we'll be trying on Princess Elmo's clothes, but does anybody else have a question before we head to the bedroom?"

"You are going to _what_?" scowled Elise, trying not to scream. A true Disney Princess would never scream.

"Can I wear the sundress this time?" asked a man.

"Wait. _What_?" Elise was fuming, but she wasn't going to raise her voice. No. Never. Even if the letter accepted her.

"We all know the sundress is mine," the tour guide replied flatly. The tourists looked confused, but no one complained. There were probably enough cocktail dresses and nightgowns for everyone else anyway.

"_You_ want to wear my sundress?" Unbelievable. This man would _not _look good in yellow.

No one seemed to hear. "Now, everyone, follow me to Princess Ernie's closet!" The group trotted away.

As much as Elise wanted to stop them, she stayed in the mailroom. She wasn't about to blow her top- and her chances of becoming a Disney Princess. She reached for the envelope, grabbed her letter opener, and slowly tore the edge.

The paper smelled like kittens and rainbows. _Yes…yeessss…_

She unfolded it.

"Dearest Princess Elise III of Soleanna,

Congratulations! The slipper fits. We are happy to make you part of our world. We think it's a beautiful idea to have a single princess for once. But don't worry; someday your prince will come, and then you will be a more ideal inspiration for little girls. Your new life as a Disney Princess will begin as soon as you be our guest for the official tour. Don't worry, this not just a dream. We really want you.

With Love and magic,

The Fairy Godmother

Elise couldn't believe it. She had actually achieved the dream that most girls gave up on by the age of seven. (Sadly, the writer of this story still wants to be a Disney Princess..) Elise was about to do a well- choreographed victory dance when-

BANG!

Elise bolted to the source of the sound. Scattered about her room was the entire tour group, apparently about to begin that well-choreographed victory dance for her.

"_CAUSE THIS IS THRILL-ER!_" sang the tour guide. He didn't sound like anyone or anything close to the king of pop.

"What the hell is going on!"

"_THRILLER NIGHT!_" The entire group joined in the epic dance. Elise's stomach turned when she saw where her pink floral chemise was.

Then there was a sparkly poof.

"Princess Elise, did you just use the h-e-double hockey sticks word?" said the Disney Fairy Godmother, now hovering above the crowd.

"_YOU'RE FIGHING FOR YOUR LIFE INSIDE A KILLER! THRILLER TONIGHT!"_

"Oh my goodness, Ms. Fairy Godmother, I didn't know you where coming!" Elise tried to muster some civility in this unexpected turn of events.

"_NIGHT CREATURES CALLING, THE DEAD START WALK IN THEIR MASQUERADE!"_ These people were amazing dancers, especially considering the intense physical therapy many had to endure after being thrown off that island.

"Don't you 'oh my goodness' me, missy! You are in deep trouble for saying that word!"

"_THERE'S NO ESCAPING THE JAWS OF THE ALIEN THIS TIME!"_

"Um….how much trouble, exactly?" This was bad. This was _really_ bad.

"You can consider yourself utterly unfit to be a Disney Princess. And yet we had such high hopes for you."

"NO!" Elise wished that this was all just a bad dream.

"Princess Peach won't be too happy to hear that her record for 'Shortest Term as an Official Disney Princess' is now broken," added the fairy godmother. The tourists were still at it, but the writer was tired of writing lyrics into the story.

"I can change…I really want to be a Disney Princess! Honestly I do." As if this would change the old lady's mind.

"You've lost your chance," said the godmother bluntly. "_Bibbity Bobbity Boo!_" She was gone. Elise started to bawl.

**A/N**

**Thank you people for all the review yall make this more enjoyable. This chapter is dedicated to my friend Ash aka AWriterThatCan'tSpell, for giving me all the crack couple names. People go check out my awesome friend's stories, they make me laugh especially the Sonic Truth or Dare one. Oh, and today March 3, is my 17 Birthday**

**REVIEW QUESTIONS:**

**So, where do the Tourist go next? **_**Answer: They don't. The editor has a life. **_

**Does anybody else want to be a Disney Princess? **_**Rapunzel, if she counts. –the editor**_

**What is your favorite Sonic Couple? **_**I don't know anything about Sonic, except that he is blue. –the editor. **_

**THANK YOU KOLEY (NICOLE) FOR EDITING **


	4. Down Down Down

Shadow was asleep in one of those life-preserving stasis tubes. He was dreaming of his past life in the traveling circus as a belly dancer, of his rivalry with the bearded lady. Shadow stirred as he remembered her. Their enmity had reached its climax at the tryouts for center-ring vocal solos. The song was Defying Gravity, and Shadow had sung it in a flawless soprano, the kind most men could only achieve when kicked in the soft spot. The bearded lady's long-practiced rendition just couldn't measure up. Shadow got the part; she got demoted. Things were never the same, and he was having a vision of that moment in the dressing room when she-

Suddenly, Shadow heard voices that didn't fit with his dream.

"Now, everybody, be quiet! We are about to witness the awakening of the 'Ultimate Life Form!'" That voice certainly didn't sound like part of the traveling circus. "Behold, ladies and gentlemen! The hedgehog will awaken as I perform the Kiss of Life resuscitation ceremony." Shadow heard an "oooooohhhh" and felt something large climb into his tube.

Luckily, Shadow was wide-awake before the Sleeping Beauty scene could be recreated. "WHAT THE HELL?" he exploded, shoving the man off of him.

"Look, everyone! The child has arisen! This is a very important part of the infant's psychological development." The crowd was wide-eyed. "Now let's see who the creature picks to be its mother." A few fan girl tourists walked closer to Shadow.

"Who are you?"

"Record that, people! The first words of an unstable being!" The touch-screen phones were out and in business.

"Yeah! I got it on tape!" exclaimed a random tourist. "Totally posting this on Youtube!"

"Unstable BEING?" Shadow wanted to go back to dreamland and belly dance in the traveling circus, but noooo, a crowd of idiots with Hawaiian shirts and cameras had to barge in.

"Second words, people! This is so incredible!"

Shadow sighed. "Usually, something _exciting_ happens when I wake up in a Stasis Tube." Apparently "Awesome Tours" were not exciting enough.

"It uttered its first complete sentence, folks! We're one lucky bunch!" said the tour guide, still dripping wet.

"What?" Shadow would've been beating the crap out of them by now, but he hadn't had his coffee yet.

Some of the tourists looked confused. "Well, come on, folks! Does _any_ living person have a question about the incredible 'ultimate life form'?" A few zombie tourists who actually had questions groaned in disappointment.

"Can I use flash photography, or is that unsafe for infants?" someone asked.

"Huh?"

"Sure! Take as many pictures as you want," said the tour guide. "In fact, I took one of Shadow brushing his teeth for my Christmas cards last year! But be aware that you must stand within two centimeters of him to ensure good focus due to his instability."

"Wait. When did you-" Shadow was interrupted by an explosion of flashes. "AUGH!"

"Any other questions?" Shadow was going blind.

"Why does he look like Sonic?" asked the Chester kid with the long name.

"I _don't_ look-"

Shadow was cut off again. "Because he's the emo version of Sonic," said the Tour guide matter-of-factly. "Just like there's a doctor Barbie…and a tramp stamp Barbie."

"I'M NOT SONIC!"

"Prominent interests of the emo Sonic include dark poetry, wearing tight pants, talking about deep holes, eyeliner, and Slim Goodbody's _Down, Down, Down_ song."

"I'M NOT-"

"I love you, Emo Sonic!" screamed a female tourist

"As you might have noticed, the Emo Sonic has a very limited vocabulary." 

"I'll show _you_ a limited vocabulary-"

"Oh! Take heed, my friends!" exclaimed the tour guide dreamily. "The creature has made its first threat! What a beautiful stage in its psychological development." The guy's voice was not unlike that of Bob Ross from _The Joy of Painting_.

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggg," said a few awed tourists. Shadow gave them a funny look. "We were tired of saying 'ooooh,'" one clarified.

"How did you people even get here? This is a space colony ark, with-" Shadow was cut off yet again.

"Awesome Tours gets really good benefits on Travelocity."

"THAT GNOME IS MY HERO!" added a really short Tourist.

"Now, before we learn to Photoshop our pictures of Emo Sonic for custom greeting cards, are there any more questions?" A zombie tourist raised his hand, but it fell off.

PHOTOSHOPPING? Really? That was the last straw.

"Can I learn how to make it look like we're getting married!" asked a random fan girl.

"NO!" Shadow was getting nauseous. Not that the liquid in that tube had helped much.

The tour guide continued. "Of course."

"WHAT THE HELL!"

Shadow had just about had enough. He held up his chaos emerald. "CHAOS….CON-"

"Whoa, dude! Wait until I get my phone out so I can record that as my ringtone!" said a guy who was reaching into his pocket.

"CHAOS…CONTROL!" Shadow was gone before that guy could hit the record button.

Somewhere far away, Shadow was asleep and dreaming again. But this time the bearded lady outshined him ran off with Maria.

**A/N**

**I will like to dedicate this chapter to anybody who takes the time to read and review it. **

**REVIEW QUESTIONS**

**Who do you think had it the worst so far? **_**The editor. You should see her stories BEFOREHAND. **_

**Does anybody else know the Down Song? **_**Down, down, down down-d-down, DOWN, DOWN…**_

**What would you Photoshop Shadow doing? **_**? **_

**Special Thanks to Nic-col-la (Nicole) for editing. I gots the bestest sister ever. **


	5. KEYBLADE

Christopher Thorndyke was sitting at his desk reading _Antigone _because he had an English test the next day. Usually, Chris would just watch the movie and not even bother reading the book, but this procedure with Animal Farm had scarred him for life. To this day, Chris refused to eat bacon or watch the Muppets.

Chris was about to get to the oh-so-boring part when Antigone confesses to dropping dirt on her dead brother's body when-

"Ok, team, today our spiritual journey continues at Sora-wannabe's house," said a bubbly man holding up a lobster bib on a stick.

"Oooooooooooohhhhh."

Chris looked up from his _Literature and You_ book. "How-"

"Oh, and what a surprise! Sora himself is here to greet us," said the Tour Guide with Kirby-sized smile. "In fact, this is _no_ surprise because we seem to be meeting _everybody_ on this tour!"

"AWESOME TOURS ARE AWESOME!" screamed a random tourist.

"What are-" Of course, Chris was cut off before he could finish his sentence.

"Now, does anybody have a question about Sora?"

"Why was he even born?" asked a hater fan.

"That's not very nice," said Chris, forgetting about Antigone and her stupid dirt.

"Well, when there's a mommy and daddy and they love each other very much-" started the Tour Guide.

A woman looked annoyed and covered her teenage son's ears. "Um, can you not give this talk now? My Jacoby still thinks babies come from the stork!"

"What? Babies don't come-" Jacoby was cut off by another tourist.

"I thought they came from the Armenian infant cabbage," said someone with glasses and a Russian accent.

"Any other questions?"

"Who _are_ you people?" Chris asked again.

"Did he loose his Keyblade or something?"

"What's a Keyblade?" Chris was starting to wonder why the burglar alarm hadn't gone off.

"Sora lost his Keyblade when he signed a contract with 4Kids," said the Tour Guide.

"Stupid 4Kids! Keyblades are awesome!" shouted a tourist.

"I'm not Sora." Chris was getting tired always be compared to his look-alike. But he was determined not to get annoyed.

"Any other questions?"

"Um… yeah….Why did 4Kids even put him in Sonic X?" asked a Belgian person.

"Because-"

"Because 4Kids wanted to add a ten-year-old that the viewers could relate to. Because all the viewers are kids who have actress mommies, rich daddies, and body guards," replied the Tour Guide.

"So _that's _why you won't let me watch Sonic X!" whined the Jacoby kid to his mother.

"Heyyy, tone it down, guys. I'm a normal kid."

The tour guide spoke again. "Okay, gang, let's go and do something that makes no freaking sense so we can annoy the crap out of Chris! Any suggestions?"

"Can we eat all his food?"

"We actually have extra-"

"Not good enough, gang! Come on! We need something totally B.A."

"Why do you have to bother me?" Chris was very confused and wondering where the heck Mr. Tanaka was. He still wasn't annoyed. Yet.

"Oh, let's try on his clothes!"

"Nah, we already did that with Princess Escalator."

"Can you guys please leave now? I need to finish my English reading." What was _with_ all these people?

"I know! Let's all scoot our feet around on his rug from Switzerland!"

"Um, this rug is actually-"

"That's a great idea! Okay, team! Let's do it!" They tightened their shoelaces and got down to business.

"Um, that's going to wear out the rug." Chris wasn't too ticked off because he wanted a new Ikea rug anyway. Heck, with the money he had, he could find something at the Vatican for his bedroom wall.

_Scoot….scoot..scootz…scooty scooty scoootzy socttity…SCOOT!_

Since his uninvited guests didn't seem to be doing any harm, Chris went back to _Antigone_. He was used to having weird people at his house. Some of the directors his mom got hired by were pretty insane.

_Scoot…scoot…sccccooooot..scoot….screeeeechhh…scootity scoot…._

"Now, everyone, lets touch Sora with all the static electricity we collected!" exclaimed the tour guide happily.

"What?"

The entire group went in for the kill.

"AHHHH! You're shocking me!"

"This is fun!"

"I feel powerful!"

"I like this job!"

"HeadOn! Apply directly to the forehead!"

"DON'T TAZE ME, BRO!" Chris's hair was starting to stick up from all the electricity.

"I feel like a Pikachu!"

"I feel like a Raichu! I'm better then you!" The Pikachu fan and Raichu fan stopped poking Chris and started poking each other.

"I love this tour!"

"AHHHH!" Chris fell out of his chair and onto the floor.

Chris woke up with an awesome hair style and was running late for school. Sadly, he never found out how Antigone ended. Chris had an F waiting for him. And to make matters worse, the TV in his room was somehow playing the scene in Animal Farm where Old Major gives his speech.

**A/N**

I think this might be my worst chapter. I don't think I annoyed Chris enough. This chapter is dedicated to my reviewers. I love the fact that I got some frequent reviews.

REVIEW QUESTIONS:

Does the movie Animal Farm scare you as much as it scares me? _Beasts of England, Beasts of Ire-land..._

Does anybody else think Chris looks like Sora? _Who's Sora?_

Do you people like the Review questions? _Do the review questions like you back?_

What would you make a tourist say? _Burp. _

_-The Editor_

Thank you Koley (Nicole) for your awesome editing skills.


	6. I was in the Navy

Miles "Tails" Prower was working on some sort of plane in his workshop when an old man decided to join him.

"Hey, sonny boy!" said the geezer as he sat himself down on top of the fuselage.

"Umm…who-?" Tails was cut off.

"Have you ever tried pickled eggs?"

"What?" The old guy had really bad breath.

"They're quite good; the secret to having a fiesta in your month is adding more salt." The old mans leaned closer.

"What are you talking about?" Tails wondered if this guy had ever learned about personal space.

"More salt, more salt, more salt!" sang the old guy, edging in even closer.

"Um, can you not-"

"You know, sonny boy, I used to be a cute little girl just like you." He came closer still.

"I'm not a gir-" A group of people burst into his workshop.

"Dad, you were supposed to stay with the tour group!" exclaimed a woman in the throng.

"You know, sonny, I was once in the Navy," said the old fellow. By now, Tails could identify the origin of each food particle in his crooked teeth.

"Dad! Stop telling people that!" said the woman quickly. Finally, the guy backed out of Tail's bubble and hobbled back over to the group.

"Ok, team, we've found our lost link!" said an excited man holding a stick with a lobster bib tied to the end.

"_What is going on?_"

"Today's stop on our magical journey is Tails' workshop," said the tour guide.

"Magical journey?" asked Tails.

"Oh, and look, everyone! Tails the two-tailed freak is here to greet us!"

"Yay!"

"I'm here to greet you?"

The tour guide continued. "Tails' workshop is unique in that it really _is _used as a workshop." Some people were wide-eyed. "It's not just one of those man-caves that some guys like to refer to as their 'workshop' so that they have a safe place to watch football and stare at other women besides their wives." A few women and a gay guy gave their partners dirty looks.

"Hang on…how did you guys even- "

Of course, Tails was ignored. "As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, Tails is currently working on getting a Darwin Award."

"My uncle won a Darwin!" added an enthusiastic tourist.

Tails continued working. "I'm definitely not trying to get a Darwin Award."

"Does anyone have any questions about our two-tailed friend?"

A nerdy, nasal voice rose above the crowd. "Why does he have two tails?"

"It's a common consequence of multiple vitamin and mineral deficiencies. You see, contrary to what you'd expect, Tails' cellular processes actually operate-"

Tails looked up sternly. "I ate my vegetables."

"Is Tails even his real name?" asked a tourist with a Norwegian accent.

"Of course not! His officially recorded name is Francis McLoving," replied the guide casually.

"What?"

"Any more questions?"

A fat man raised his hand. "Why does he sound like a girl?"

"Some call him the Justin Bieber of the Sonic world." Amidst the giggles, people were taking out their cameras and phones.

Tails was confused. "Who is Justin Bieber?"

A few cameras flashed. "Sing _Baby_ for me!"

"Any other questions?"

"Can you get him to sing _Baby_ for me?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know that song."

"Now, now, McLoving!" continued the guide. "As you can see, friends, Tails is working on building a new form of microwavable plate."

"Um, actually I'm just-"

"The proposed design completely bullet proof, water proof, and machine washable."

"Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh."

"Uh, this is clearly a plane." What was with these people?

"After Tails is done with his plates he plans to have plastic surgery to remove his extra tail."

"No, I'm going-"

Again, no one listened. "Anyway, since you've all signed the wavier, I think it's about time to take some of these planes for a test flight!"

"AWESOME!"

"You need a license for that." Tails was not comfortable with this at all.

"I have a learners permit!" retorted a fifteen-year-old who had hopped into a blue plane.

"Before we start our planes, I'll give you a little more background info on Foxy-pants," continued the tour guide.

"But I want to fly!" complained that Chester kid.

"Believe me, folks, we will get to fly. But let me tell you about our friend first. Although Tails is only eight years old, he hangs out with a guy who is thirty-eight-"

"Sonic's not thirty-eight; he's _sixteen_!" said Tails, annoyed.

"Because he is obsessively self-conscious about his body, Tails uses a plane rather than his own perfectly capable appendages for transportation."

"What does that even mean?" huffed Tails.

"Okay, guys! On the count of three we are gonna do an epic _barrel roll_ out of here! Start your engines!"

"THAT WILL BREAK THE CEILING!"

"One," counted the tour guide.

"Please don't."

"Two."

"Can you people even fly a plane?"

"Mom, why did that little red light come on?"

"_Three_." Tails' perfectly arranged aircraft were, to say the least, not exactly on the ground anymore.

"AHHHHHHHH!" screamed Tails.

"I'M AWESOME!" screamed a tourist flying a plane straight toward Tails.

"I'M GOING TO DIE!"

"THIS IS FUN!"

"I FEEL SO ALIVE!"

"WEEEEEE!"

"THE WRITER LIKES USING CAPS LOCK!"

"I'M HIGHER THAN YOU!"

"OH NO YOU AIN'T!" There were a few head-on collisions. Tails winced.

A passing propeller whizzed a little too close to Tails.

"AAAAAAAAHHH! PART OF MY BODY IS MISSING!" The fox was in deep pain.

"I guess everybody is going to have to call you 'Tail' now," said the tour guide with a smile.

But Tails wasn't listening because he bled out and died.

**A/N**

**This chapter is dedicated to -Keyblade-Bearer for giving me the Tails becoming Tail idea and for being awesome. **

**REVIEW QUESTIONS:**

**What would you scream if you were flying a plane?**

**Do you like waffles?**

**What would you do if I stopped writing this story?**

**Does anybody know a good Beta reader?**

**Thank you Koley, for editing and being my sister. **

**Important note, this is the last chapter Koley edited for me. If you know a beta, or want to be my beta for future chapters please let me know. Thank you. **


	7. THE END

**The Author Note That You Will Read**

**Ok, before I start this chapter of my tourist story I would like to thank a few people: **

**1. Twizzle-fizz for being the top reviewer of this silly little story. Sorry this update took so long. **

**2. Neosamel for reading and reviewing this story. **

**3. AWriterthatCan'tSpell for being my pet ferret and for letting kill you with water balloons and for getting me to write in the Sonic category. **

**4. Nicole for editing this story even though you don't know anything about Sonic. **

**5. Smash (for some reason his nickname doesn't show up correctly on fanfiction) for being awesome and still having hope this story will update. **

**6. ACT II for reading and reviewing. **

**7. Sonic Speed Blue Blur 23 for reading and asking what HeadOn is.**

**8. silvaze211 for reading and reviewing.**

**9. KaoruTheRandomBookworm for being awesome. **

**10. Sunnipop for being Twizzle-fizz's friend and for reading this. **

**11. devon kreuter for reading and reviewing.**

**12. Mauwreentjj for taking me on the vacation that allowed me to think of my story and for being Dutch. **

**13. Lord Kelvin for reading and making me laugh with his (is he a dude) review. (Oh be happy to know that there is a little green line under this sentence when put into Microsoft word)**

**Ok now on with the story. **

Amy Rose was busy planning her future wedding with Sonic. She almost began to drool as she envisioned the day that she and Sonic would become "we"…that she could start to use the word "us". She almost squealed aloud as she pictured Sonic pushing a meatball toward her with his nose. And the wedding. Oh! The wonderful day when Sonic would say, "I do" and she would say "I do" and everybody else would say "Aww, that's the cutest couple since Edward and Jacob!" and blow bubbles and throw rice and take pictures as they got into the limo. Oh, that beautiful, joyful day with Cream as her maid of honor and Tails as the best man. And, oh!, their first night together, when-

Fortunately for the reader, Amy's stupid thoughts were interrupted by a certain tour guide wielding a lobster bib on a stick.

"Now, everybody, after being neglected on account of our writer's Hetalia stint, we return today to tour the lovely house of Amy Rose!"

"Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!"

"Nobody informed me that my house would be a stop on a tour," said Amy in that calm voice she uses before she takes out her hammer.

The tour guide ignored her. "Amy Rose is the self-proclaimed girlfriend of Sonic. She has appeared in a great number of the games, TV shows, and comics." It was almost as if he were reading this straight from the Sonic Wiki.

"Well, I do get around," said Amy, flattered by this recognition.

"I LOVE YOU, AMY!" screamed a random tourist.

"Amy is also the most annoying Sonic character ever," added the smiling tour guide.

"THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU, AMY!"

"Wait. Most _annoying?"_

"Take note of her annoying voice, everyone," said the guide. His tone would have been better suited for discussing the weather. "The pitch and inflection are almost as horrifyingly cacophonous as that of the little navy blue yoda thing that the curious and unknowledgeable editor had to listen to whilst looking for a video clip featuring Amy for reference."

"Can I record you screaming for an alarm clock?" asked the mother of some character mentioned in an earlier chapter. "Seriously; my college boy can sleep through an earthquake!"

"I love my beauty sleep," the guy sighed.

"I AM NOT ANNOYING!" A red-faced Amy yanked out her hammer.

"Amy is also a pink hedgehog," said Captain-Obvious-with-the-lobster-bib. He seemed to be forgetting about the hammer.

"I DO NOT LIKE MY HOUSE BEING A STOP ON THIS TOUR!"

"Amy also enjoys reading fanfiction stories that pair Sonic with Shadow."

"I DO NOT!" Amy swung her hammer furiously but didn't hit anyone. She did manage to decimate a nearby "Sonic and Me Dancing to Footloose" macaroni statue.

"MY STATUE! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"

"Amy is also a big fan of redecorating. As you can see, she is currently redecorating her house."

"Can you redo my bathroom?" asked a tourist.

"STAND STILL YOU TWITS OR THIS THING WILL REDECORATE YOUR FACIAL FEATURES!" Amy took another enraged swing, this time knocking the stuffing out of her custom-made Sonic Webkin.

"Amy also has anger issues and has gone to group therapy with Knuckles and Teddy the Teddy bear."

"I DO NOT HAVE ANGER ISSUES!" This time Amy managed to take out her Sonic sweet collector. She was too worked up to notice the number of video camera phones that had emerged from the gawking tourists' backpacks and purses.

"Dude, this is _so_ going to get me hits on Youtube!"

"WILL YOU PEOPLE LEAVE MY HOUSE?"

"Now, everyone, before we leave this house and get neglected by our writer again, I think we should all take this moment to-"

"YOU WILL NO SUCH THING! YOU WILL _LEAVE MY HOUSE_, AND YOU WILL

NEVER

COME

BACK!"

This time the hammer destroyed her Sonic-and-me Photoshop pegboard and her mini fridge.

And for some odd reason, the tourists actually left the house.

And Amy woke up in a medical instruction with Dr. Eggman, Tails, Shadow, Elise, Chris, and Knuckles. Apparently, they all suffer from a disease that causes hallucinations of tourists that don't exist.

**AUTHOR NOTE**

**As you can tell I just wanted to end this story. Sure there are plenty of places I could put these tourists, but **I** don't care to write in the Sonic Category anymore. Sorry to keep you guys waiting, and sorry that this chapter sucks. You people are writers you can write your own Tourist story. I give you my blessing just be sure to thank me. **


End file.
